Ratlinks Redux: Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Got The News From a Game Show.
A legendary story from a legendary Wall Street personality
Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Got The News From a Game Show.
This story is a gift.
I am retelling it not just because it is a good story, but also to set it free. Allowing you to retell it as your own if you wish.
I was at a local wall street watering hole when a wall street legend came in, sat down and laid this gem of a tale on us.
To keep the story quasi-anonymous we will refer to this gentleman as Mr. Smith. There is no time table on this story, based on details it likely happened in the mid-1970s.
One afternoon, Mr. Smith comes off the course after finishing 18 holes.
At the end of any round, he normally has multiple drinks, but upon finishing his first drink he immediately feels ill. After a few days of being unable to drink, he gets concerned and goes to see a doctor.
“I ran a blood test and I think you have hepatitis. The Doctor begins
We need to figure out which type of hepatitis you have - Type A or B.” “When was the last time you ate shellfish?”
I am allergic to shrimp.” Mr Smith replied
“If that is the case I am going to rule out Hep A which is usually caused by shellfish” says the doctor
“Mr Smith I have a serious question. Are you spending time with hookers?”
“I may not be the most upstanding guy, but no I am not.” Mr Smith responds
The doctor then asks again “Are you sure you aren’t spending time with hookers? That’s how Hep B is usually contracted”
“No.” Mr. Smith again responds
“Well you have Hep B for which there is no cure. Over time the virus will weaken and you will feel better.
However, you have another issue. You can’t let your wife know you have Hep B because of the whole hooker thing.”
What happened next, would today be deemed a gross violation of HIPPA laws. Yet, HIPPA didn’t exist at the time.
How do I know HIPPA didn’t exist?
Maybe, because this whole episode occurred when there were only two known types of Hepatitis. Hep C was discovered in 1989.
The Doctor tells Mr. Smith to go home and tell his wife that he has contracted Hepatitis A. The Doctor will then call Mrs. Smith to say that she and the kids need to come in for immunization. When they come in I will explain to them “Daddy has Hep A” give them some sort of fugazi injection and send them on their way.
A few weeks later Mr. Smith is strung up at home sick in bed. To pass the time all he watches are quiz shows. He explains that if he falls asleep midway through one he can wake up and resume watching another without feeling like he missed anything.
After dozing off, Mr Smith wakes up in the middle of an episode of TattleTales. Sammy Davis Jr is on a panel with a Hollywood Starlet. Mr. Smith says out loud to no one, “I need to call her, we had some fun a few weeks ago.”
At this point the host, who based on my cursory research is likely to be none other than Bob Barker, says to the Starlet “how are things” to which she replies:
Been better. I’m finally getting over that dang hepatitis.