TAKE A LOOK AT ME NOW
The below story appeared in the November 2019 edition of Ratlinks and features audio version if you would rather listen.
For those unaware of Philip David Charles Collins, Lieutenant of the Royal Victorian Order and Lord of the Gated Reverb, he is an English drummer, singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, and actor. He was the drummer and later became the lead singer of the rock band Genesis.
Phil Collins is also a solo artist, who is very much alive, as illustrated by the slight title change of his most recent tour. “Still Not Dead Yet” is a follow up to last year’s “Not Dead Yet” tour.
While his voice is vintage Phil Collins, health issues have limited his mobility, forcing Mr. Collins to walk with a cane and spend most of the show seated. His 18-year-old son, Bill is now on the lead drums. Wait a second, Phil Collins has a son named Bill Collins? Sadly no, his son is actually named Nick, but that is good reading comprehension, my friend.
Leading me to ponder - What are other rockers doing in their golden years?
What about the guys with the biggest stage presences? The ones that lived aggressively.
Oh think twice, cause it's another day for you and me in paradise
FEED MY FRANKENSTEIN
Alice Cooper is the godfather of shock and exactly who you think is a textbook example of a hard-partying rock star. Turns out Mr. Cooper has been sober for 37 years and doesn’t eat sugar. Alice Cooper still has one vice: “I drink a lot of Diet Cokes.”
Alice Cooper has been happily married for 43 years and loves his wife so much that they can never live without each other or, said differently, they have a death pact.
We’ve made a pact – there is no way of surviving without each other. I couldn’t live without her. We always said there will never be a time when one of us will be mourning the other. Whenever it does happen, we are going to go together.
Mr. Cooper later clarified that it isn’t a death pact but a life pact.
“She dances better now than she did in 1975. You would think people would want to get away from the wives but she is my best friend. And there is no way of surviving without each other.”
Worry no more, Alice Cooper actually is Mr. Nice Guy. As seen above at his Hollywood Walk of Fame induction with his 96-year-old mother, Ella Mae Furnier.
I’M GOING OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN
I’ll give it to him. Alice Cooper appears to be quite lovely.
There have to still be some hard-charging aging rockers. Right?
What about “The Prince of Darkness” himself?
How is Ozzy Osbourne still at it?
Yes, pesky old science has proven what we are all thinking.
Ozzy Osbourne is a genetic mutant.
Wait a second. What exactly are we talking about here? I know you said this issue would get weird, but come on.
Let’s go to the source himself:
"I was curious ... given the swimming pools of booze I've guzzled over the years -- not to mention all of the cocaine, morphine, sleeping pills, cough syrup, LSD, Rohypnol ... you name it -- there's really no plausible medical reason why I should still be alive. Maybe my DNA could say why.
Ozzy then had his genome sequenced. Leading to a surprising finding.
The musician has several gene variants that "we've never seen before," said geneticist Nathaniel Pearson, who sequenced the rocker's genome, including variants that could impact how Osbourne's body absorbs methamphetamines and other recreational drugs.
Thus confirming Sharon Osbourne’s theorem:
I've always said that at the end of the world there will be roaches, Ozzy and Keith Richards
RatLinks Redux: Take A Listen To Me Now