RATLINKS: THE REOPENING
LIBERATE LIBERACE | HOW A SINGLE ACTION CAN CREATE MANY REACTIONS
THE RATLINKS GUIDE TO REOPENING
Last month’s NOT SO DEFINITIVE QUARANTINE RECAP guided you through sheltering in place. During those extremely challenging days of peak COVID as we all worked to flatten the curve.
That was then.
Stay at home orders are soooo last month.
America and its tremendous economy can no longer remain closed.
Today, we must open for business.
For everyone’s sake and the sake of your hair.
Have you looked at your hair?
BLUE CHECK MARK
In the book The Checklist Manifesto, surgeon, author, and CEO Atul Gawande discusses that human nature leads to two types of mistakes:
Errors of ignorance - mistakes we make because we don’t know enough
Errors of ineptitude - mistakes we made because we don’t make proper use of what we know
The second type of error is avoidable with the use of checklists.
Checklists.
Yes, checklists.
A written guide that walks through the key steps in any complex procedure.
A checklist can help you understand your current ability to spend
Did you get a stimulus check from your favorite president? ☑️
How much have you saved by not eating at restaurants or going to bars? 💰 💰
How do dogs wear pants?
Precautions to slow the spread of COVID closed all non-essential businesses hindering your ability to shop til you drop. Creating an effect known as a negative demand shock.
The bright side of being put under house arrest - being unable to spend money like a drunken sailor. Meaning one thing - YOU ARE NOW RICH!!!
The bigger question now that we are reopening: HOW DO YOU SPEND IT?
Above: An artist’s interpretation of a current live shot of you.
Below: How you likely greet your friends at the front door of your mansion.
I’M ON A BOAT!
The ability to take to the high seas is a dream of many Americans right after homeownership and event attendance.
With your stimulus money burning a boat sized hole in your pocket, we all know what you should do. Face it, you don’t want a boat. You need a boat. Leading to a common next question: how do you acquire one?
Buying a boat is simple. Checklist!
Head to your local marina
Point to the biggest boat and say something like “is she seaworthy?”
Ask if there is a poop deck and how often you will have to swab it.
Hold your significant other over the bow Titantic style
Finally exchange some of your newly saved money for said boat*
*Purchasing your own personal watercraft legally allows you to say “I’m the Captain Now” anytime you venture into international waters.
As a first-time boat buyer, you may not be aware that all boats have names.
Just like a child, naming a boat is an important and difficult task.
Luckily we here at Ratlinks HQ have spent hours in quarantine preparing for this very moment. Below are just a few COVID-19 approved names for your new vessel:
First Wave
Floatin’ the Curve
COVID McCOVIDFACE
Sea You Ventilator
Boats n Hoax
Bat Sloop
B-O-A-T-hony Fauci
Wet Market
After selecting a name for your boat, but before you set sail on your maiden voyage, christening the boat by shattering a bottle of champagne over the bow is a must.
This summer if you find yourself anywhere near the Dry Tortugas, you have permission to board my newest yacht COASTAL DISTANCING.
THE MAN IN THE IRONED MASK
Reopening the economy will allow us all to return to public spaces, however, you can’t just go out unprotected like its 2019. Well, you can but you may put yourself and others at risk which is probably not the best idea. In fact, almost all public places now state you must have proper facial covering in order to limit the risk of spreading COVID-19.
As a busy executive, you don’t have the time to let anyone tell you how to properly put on a mask let alone explain it in two languages. Yet you would be surprised how many people are incorrectly wearing a mask.
Now that you know how to properly fit your mask, you are ready to venture into the world.
Where do you go?
Obviously to get some MOTHER F*CKING ICE CREAM!!!!
If for any reason you run into issues at your local scoop shop.
First, remember:
Next, ask for the manager. If the manager isn’t available ask for the next most essential worker available.
SLOW NEWS WEEK
A quick recap of what happened this month while you were inside.
We remain in the midst of a global health pandemic with over 100,000 American deaths.
Protests are erupting across the country over George Floyd’s death
NASA may have discovered a parallel universe where time flows backward 🕰
Wow! All this happened in one month.
That’s super interesting but doesn’t mean much to me. Let alone that I need to wear a mask.
Did you know wearing a mask could save multiple lives including your own. However, if you aren’t willing to wear a mask, you totally should totally ask to speak to the manager. Karen.
POSTSCRIPT
2020 has been a strange and difficult year. Protests continue across America over George Floyd’s death. Racial injustice and inequality unfortunately is nothing new in America.
At present we are all feeling a range of painful emotions. Protests are spreading across the country with everyone looking for leadership. Leadership that is currently absent.
Real leaders are forged in times of crisis, “help[ing] us overcome the limitations of our own individual laziness and selfishness and weakness and fear and get us to do better, harder things than we can get ourselves to do on our own.” - David Foster Wallace
Difficult issues like these are not easily solvable and won’t go away overnight. Rather than be paralyzed by inaction. We can all display leadership through continued positive actions that will help make things better for everyone.
