Ratlinks: THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT OF BERRY PICKING
Tall tales from the high seas or how to win friends and influence governments
WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS
September? Already? Where has the time gone?
2020 is becoming a blur, days bleed into each other, and weeks seemingly have no end and no beginning. It’s almost as if we have been living the same day over and over for almost 40 years.
Paradoxically not a lot is happening, while simultaneously a lot is happening.
Can’t tell you the last time I wore pants. Actually I can. For a single hour, late one Friday to shoot for the cover of Handsome Family magazine.
For the uninitiated, Handsome Family is the zeitgeist of the above-average looking family and available on newsstands everywhere.
GIVE BLOOD SAVE LIVES
Before we proceed, it is worth reminding you of the importance of donating blood.
To recap: Most states still face blood shortages and just one donation can save the lives of three people. Your blood will be tested for COVID antibodies and you should qualify for a $5 Amazon gift certificate. In case you were wondering, yes we at Ratlinks HQ eat our own cooking. Reply to this email with your blood donation selfie to be featured. #DonateBlood
FIND WHERE YOU CAN DONATE BLOOD & HELP SAVE LIVES
HEY YO! MY BEST FRIEND’S RICH CHECK
In March, COVID-19 related fears caused the stock market to decline by almost 30%. At present, the stock market made up all the lost ground, trading to all-time highs.
Look how far we have come. Last year you couldn’t even pronounce EBITDA and now you are basically a stock market genius and more importantly, very rich.
IT’S NOT ABOUT MAKING IT. IT’S ABOUT KEEPING IT
Wait a second you didn’t go full send and YOLO the market.
How did you get so rich then?
You created an organic sunflower oil brand that garnishes most bowls at fast-casual restaurants? Is it really hand pressed by your Nana at her compound in Marthas Vineyard?
You sold out to BIG OIL? How much did you make? Doesn’t matter.
It does sort of, but what really matters is that YOU made it. Meaning the 1% has expanded just enough to include you.
Thinking about blowing some of your new-found money, Ratlinks previously covered how to spend it in June’s edition: The Reopening.
All members of the nouveau riche know two things:
The secret to wealth is compounding.
Don’t spend your own money if someone else will for your benefit.
Owning a boat isn’t cool.
You know what’s cool?
A friend with a yacht.
TIME OF THE SEASON
This month while summering off the Connecticut coast, an almost daily conundrum occurred: What to do today?
Nearing the end of the summer fruit season, the logical and most obvious choice was to go berry picking. Real connoisseurs know apple picking is for the masses and instead, choose to harvest more idiosyncratic fruits, like peaches or raspberries.
Reviewing traffic patterns before departure, revealed the 15-minute trip could take up to 45 minutes due to unforeseen road closures.
Does anyone want to get stuck in traffic in the heat on the way to pick fruit?
The answer is obvious and instead, the day was spent visiting Essex CT: “The Perfect Small American Town”
What is the difference between a “regular” small town and “the perfect” small town?
It’s the little things, the accouterments:
Highway motels are nowhere to be found. Instead sleep where George Washington did with a stay at The Griswold Inn, the oldest continuously operating inn in America, whose phone number obviously ends in 1776.
Forget Uber, the perfect small town offers multiple obscure transportation methods like steam train and riverboat.
Stroll down cobblestone streets while taking in picturesque views of large ships. Then, marvel how locals purposely leave stale bread for children to feed the ducks.
Lastly, what makes the perfect small town is the fancy birdhouses.
Essex isn’t home to traditional birdhouses, instead the streets are lined with bird McMansions that look like exact replicas of the properties they sit on.
THESE ROBINS ARE ROCKING
COME ALONG AND RIDE ON A FANTASTIC VOYAGE
While touring Essex, news broke that Steve Bannon, President Donald Trump’s former chief strategist was arrested while sunbathing off the coast of nearby Westbrook, CT. Bannon was aboard The Lady May, a yacht owned by his friend Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui, who uses the English name, Miles Kwok.
The same mega-yacht was eyed for days by locals, becoming the talk of the town and setting the rumor mill in motion: “I never saw such a big boat” one local gaped. Another said “It was Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio aboard. A boat that size you figured it had to be somebody big.”
My brother saw the boat and went to investigate finding plenty of “boat enthusiasts” with binoculars and telescopes staking out the boat.
Is all that new-found wealth burning a hole in your pocket?
You’re in luck! The Lady May is currently for sale at a cost of $27,900,000 or €23,447,160, practically a steal for a 150-foot aluminum-hulled sea-worthy vessel, that boasts 5 cabins with room for up to 10 guests as well as space for up to 8 staff.
She features a sleek design and naval architecture by Dubois Naval Architects and an incredibly elegant interior by Redman Whiteley Dixon. The combination of design, performance, and comfort led LADY MAY to win a succession of Superyacht awards in 2015.
The Lady May’s piece de resistance is her bow, housing a dining table for an al-fresco dining experience, seating, and sunbathing areas. White marble, stainless steel trim, Macassar ebony cabinets, and bleached oak joinery, create a modern, sophisticated, and calming interior.
To reel in such a high profile catch like Steve Bannon took not only the Coast Guard, but also special agents from the United States attorney’s office in Manhattan, and even federal postal inspectors.
This begs the question: Was it that difficult to apprehend a criminal mastermind like Steve Bannon or did all these agents just want to catch a glimpse of the bow where Bannon was enjoying his morning coffee?
ARE WE THERE YET?
In the strange butterfly effect that is life, in order to transport Steve Bannon to his Manhattan arraignment, a military convoy closed part of the highway from Connecticut to New York. This same highway closure caused the traffic jam, which forced my trip to the orchard to be rescheduled.
It’s one thing for Mr. Bannon to obstruct justice to collude with a foreign government to influence a federal election, and defraud donors of a massive crowdfunding campaign that claimed to be raising money for the construction of a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.
It’s another thing to turn I-95 into a parking lot, ruining a summer day for many average Americans. You may also wonder why is there a go-fund-me campaign to build the wall? Who is the we in we build the wall and wasn’t Mexico supposed to pay for it?
Promises made, promises kept. Indeed!
